Peeing, Pooping, and (Un)packing

September 1, 2010

For any future female travelers out there…

FIVE SIMPLE STEPS TO THE MASTERY OF SQUATTING

To pee or not to pee?

1. Be prepared
Many Chinese facilities seem to perceive toilet paper as an unnecessary luxury. Some may have a few sheets for sale, but I’d recommend carrying a roll of toilet paper or a few extra tissues to best eliminate the discomfort of dripping dry.

2. Dress up, not down
Avoid flip flops or sandals; few people have good aim, and it’s always better to shield your feet from that. Also, when possible, wear a skirt or dress. Experience has shown that it is very difficult to move pants or shorts out of the way. I think we can all agree that it’s best not to leave remnants of your squatter experience on your clothing!

3. Leave your belongings behind
Squatters typically don’t have hooks to hang anything. So, hand your bag to a friend or leave your sweater at your seat – it’s your choice. Just remember that balance is key, and impossible to maintain when you’re weighed down with stuff.

4. Breathe in, breathe out
Just not through your nose. Don’t even think about smelling that air. Since all used toilet paper goes into the rarely-emptied garbage can, instead of the squatter itself, the stench is painful.

5. I think I can, I think I can
Be optimistic! Balance and efficiency are the keys to a successful squat, and these can only be achieved through a positive mindset. Don’t worry – it will all be over soon.

While I first learned these lessons several weeks ago, on the train from Shanghai to Shenzhen, my skills were really put to the test at my school’s required physical examination this morning. Aiming into a squatter requires talent; aiming into a cup over a squatter requires expertise.

Thankfully, the rest of the physical was uneventful, which allowed me to focus on the day’s much more important activity: moving into my new apartment!

Shower + Toilet = Shoilet

The Shoilet's Words of Wisdom

I’m a big fan of my new digs. I’m a big fan of the colors and the cleanliness. I’m a big fan of the fact that the shower wall is inscribed with the following words: “Enjoy every mor nment. Pleasures do not coumonly. just so long as life! You are a wonder ful fr iend and treasure you more with every year. May you spend every day in the happies way living life to the fullest. Friends may you come along once in lifetime.” Most of all, I’m a big fan of the fact that it is directly across the street from the Taicang Mingde Senior High School, where I will be teaching.

I can finally unpack 🙂